Apparently there were some readers who didn't get that my last post was a parody, a piece of fiction, and they actually thought I had lost my mind over Jessica Alba. To them I say (insert deadpan expression and dry tone of voice here): Yes, every word of it was true...
Except that it was really about Keira Knightley.
(And you know, Keira has denied being anorexic, while in a related story, Keith Richards has confirmed that he will play Johnny Depp's dad in Pirates 3, so of course I'm all like, who are we to believe?!)
Honestly, there's so much going on in celebrity-land (and how about that spotlight-hogging Kim Jong Il, huh? talk about a kidder!) that it hardly seems right to go on about myself. And there are so many other sites that have been tickling my fancy of late that I'm feeling the altruistic urge to share. So I'm going to take a cue from a few of my other readers here, and keep it brief but informative (among the neat responses to my Blogoversary "how'm I doin'?" post was a suggestion from Jamy that I do "shorter ones from time to time," and I am totally down with that!).
So: this is just to steer you towards a couple of film sites that are cracking me up, fascinating or informing me these days, in case you haven't yet discovered them yourself.
FilmWise is a fabulous fun place that's chock full of amusing quizzes, contests and forums. The ones I really like are their visual quizzes, which use frames from movies and are built around idiosyncratic themes, like identify this movie by its closing shot, or (rom-com alert) name the movie this kiss is from, or (one for the boys) identify which movie this cleavage is from. Some of the entries are easy, some will tantalize you like a name that's on the tip of your tongue but remains elusive. One of their quirkier ideas is the Invisibles, where protagonist faces have been photo-shopped out of the frame. Can you guess this one below (I found it easy, but the other frames hard), or name the film at the top of this post, from FilmWise's Say What? quiz?
Also perversely humorous is this craven parody site called Editing Room. Essentially the creation of one curmudgeonly guy who delights in eviscerating films that can stand to be ripped apart, its ostensible purpose is to present "abridged" versions of screenplays (i.e. a couple of pages long), like this wonderfully cruel send-up of Crash (warning: do not read if you're a fan) and this more recent parody of Click, which I found chuckle-worthy even though I haven't seen the movie (miss an Adam Sandler pic? how did that happen?!).
Worthy of note as another time-waster is Screenplay, a somewhat less exciting and inspiring version of FilmWise, but nonetheless featuring a few quizzes that are maddeningly seductive in that "bet you can't do just one" sort of way.
For screenwriting resources -- i.e. as a portal to all kinds of other screenwriting and film-related sites -- I'm fairly impressed with the Red Inkworks resource page, and not just because they list me. It seems more inclusive and thorough than many others I've seen, though of course, of course they've undoubtedly left out a cool site you know about (so here's your opportunity to turn us all onto that one: de-lurk and comment, below).
For quirky fun, Japander makes a good filmic companion to the deliriously poetic humor site, Engrish.com: here's where you'll find all the commercials that American movie stars who are too cool to be seen in American commercials make money on in Japan. If you enjoyed Bill Murray's Suntory spot in Lost in Translation, this site's for you.
Finally, it has come to my attention that there are, oddly enough, some cyber-savvy folks who do not avail themselves of my favorite arts-and-entertainment information-fest. Want to get the critical consensus on that latest movie, DVD, TV, music, book or game release? Hie thee to Metacritic.com already, and what took you so long?
I'll leave you to your happy web-trolling, or as I like to think of it, the Art of Advanced Procrastination. I'm busy trying to understand the alien culture of agents, which may well occasion Living RomCom's next -- longer and more personal (i.e. wittily narcissistic) post.
Meanwhile, for extra points, name the agent who wears these sunglasses...
Yeah, I was one who totally bought the Jessica Alba post. And got so grossed out I almost unsubscribed on bloglines. Ick! Context-free irony in print, much like German humor, does not translate well.
Posted by: Maggie | July 05, 2006 at 11:26 PM
Re: which agent wears these sunglasses?
All of them.
Thanks for the links. Looks like a great way to spend the day at my day job.
Speaking of links, click on my name--finally got the .mac blog up this weekend. Thank God for long weekends...
Posted by: Melanie | July 06, 2006 at 05:54 AM
I think after exploring the delights of this post, I should now be entitled to a nice big shiny certificate in Advanced Procrastination. Or a prize for "losing an entire afternoon while pretending I'm learning cool stuff about films". If only I had a day job and could get paid for that.
Posted by: Sal | July 06, 2006 at 07:45 AM
Great links! And I'm blushing that you gave me any credit at all.
(Your link to "MediaCritic" is going to "Japander"--thought you should know.)
Posted by: jamy | July 06, 2006 at 07:46 AM
Maggie: Well I'm glad we got this straightened out... First time in my life (hopefully the last as well) that my writing and "German humor" have been cited together...
Melanie: Site looking good!
Sal: I'd like to get paid for that, too...
Jamy: Thanks for the tip; post corrected.
Posted by: mernitman | July 06, 2006 at 08:12 AM
The agent. Is it Jerry Maguire?
Posted by: binnie | July 06, 2006 at 09:01 AM
The dude in the Matrix.
Posted by: MaryAn | July 06, 2006 at 09:56 AM
Billy,
You need to see "Click." Its not "just another Adam Sandler" movie -- not that I think that's such a bad thing anyway. "Click" is a comedy with a message. Not quite a rom/com -- though it tries at the end.
I think "Click" hinges on the audience's reaction to two moments in the film: first, your responce to the freeze frame on Henry Winkler's face (ACT II Swivel: Second Turning Point), and two, if you buy who the Christoper Walken character turns out to be.
The film reviewers for the Seattle Times critics utterly thrashed "Click," giving it only one star! Unbelievible!! One star movies are reserved for those in the "Friday the 13th", Jason franchise.
So... if you can ever find the time please pack your bags and take the "Billy Mernit traveling rom/com training circus" two states north for some basic film annalysis training for our region's film critics. Fair warned: if you accept this assignment I think you'll be training delusional escapees from the zoo, who think they evolved into being sophisticated, film reviewers.
- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA
Posted by: E.C. Henry | July 06, 2006 at 07:07 PM
Binnie: Nope.
MaryAn: Good call! The glasses belong to the Matrix's Agent Smith, so if you ever come to L.A. I'll buy you a candy bar.
E.C. Okay, I'll withhold Click judgment until I've seen it...
Posted by: mernitman | July 06, 2006 at 11:19 PM
I have to admit, I didn't know what to think. After all, lust is a strange thing, and often derails irony, not to mention common sense. (Yes, Woody, I do mean you.) So I thought the last bit was comic caricature, rather than complete irony.
My own celeb crushes are a bit strange, too. Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock. Hugh Laurie as House. Whatsisname the torturer on Lost. So if stellar abs were your thing, who am I to say anything other than, Huh.
But now that you've established that the Alba thing wasn't true, I have to ask: Who does steam your clams? Actresses now dead or decrepit can be cited.
Posted by: alisa kwitney | July 07, 2006 at 07:51 AM
Billy, the FilmWise site is so cool! Thanks for the link.
Although identifying cinematic kisses and cleavages can be very rewarding, how about that page on the site where you need to ID characters who are about to die?
Personally, I think they should have included a picture of Angie Dickinson's doomed character in Dressed to Kill, maybe on the ride over in the taxi with the anonymous guy she met at the museum?
Posted by: Annie D. | July 07, 2006 at 01:47 PM
Good Lord. I so don't have the time for all this websurfing. I've torn the damned house down (where it meeded it) and NOW I have to put it back together! Thanks, but... No thanks.
*I do good to make comments these days.. withmess the complete lack of posts on my own blog. Sigh.
Posted by: Writergurl | July 07, 2006 at 02:07 PM
Alisa, well since you ask: For pure sex, my dream date is Penelope Cruz. For the entire package (i.e. sex + brains + have my firstborn child, please) I'd go with Michelle Pfeiffer. For "let us grow old together, with the bottoms of our trousers rolled" etc., who else but Diane Keaton?
Annie D, yes, that would've been a fine addition (plus some 50-odd other characters from Hitchcock films).
Writergurl: Well, it just goes to show ya that one girl's meat (see Annie D's comment, before yourn) is another one's needless distraction. Here's hoping you get to finish your house work and are able to chill and goof off soon!
Posted by: mernitman | July 07, 2006 at 11:37 PM
A parody you say? And I was just starting to think I was perfectly normal with my umm, interest lets call it, in Natalie Portman....
Posted by: Pat | July 08, 2006 at 04:13 PM
All I can think of now is Breakfast at Tiffany's.
And if Miss Knightly is completely sure that 1,000 calories a day is enough, than she isn't anorexic. Don't we all wish we had that metabolism?
Posted by: Janet | July 09, 2006 at 10:08 PM
Pat: Oh, well, Natalie Portman -- THAT's normal... (and hey -- synchronicity -- check out Janet's latest post re: Ms. Portman,
by clicking her name in the comment below).
Janet: Well, maybe if we all had our breakfasts at Tiffany's...
Posted by: mernitman | July 10, 2006 at 12:02 AM
thanks, that cleavage game was just what I needed to stimulate my... mind this morning (wink)
Posted by: The Moviequill | July 11, 2006 at 05:09 AM