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marrije

I've been out of the dating market for ages and ages (thank heaven), but I don't think there's any one deal-breaker for me. That is, if the guy shows consistent good taste, I'll be able to live with a number of bad choices.

My guy hates Sleepless in Seattle (OK, fair, girl movie, I guess), and he won't watch The Hunt for Red October with me for the 15th time (also OK, I can see why watching it this often is perhaps a little odd). I like SF, he hates it. He likes Jackass, which I used to hate but now almost can see the fun of. Sometimes. I'm not that enthusiastic about watching Godfather I, II and III again and again.

But we enjoy going to Big Hollywood Movies together, and watch the same series, and then there are some movies he'll go see with a friend. Granted, we're not as passionate about movies as you are, but I think that a happy balance and not too much symbiosis in tastes is a good thing.

Though maybe I would draw the line at someone who was an avid collector of Rambo & Rocky movie paraphernalia...

Robin

I'm not sure honesty is the best policy. The thing is because we write and study writing we are more likely to spot annoyances. There's nothing like spending a great deal of time trying to get rid of a logic flaw in your script so the story makes sense, only to find several flaws in the movie you've paid money to see.

I walked out of National Treasure, my She had loved it. Little did I realise that by explaining how dumb the film was, I was by extension explaining how dumb she was for loving it. She never spoke to me again. Of course, it may have been due to my grabby hands and stinky body odour but I'm blaming the different tastes in films.

Pretending is the way to go. As long as you act well, She'll never know: "I love Moulin Rouge. My favourite scene? All of them. How could I possibly choose one. It's like asking me to choose my favourite child. But don't get me started on Titanic, an absolute classic that was way too short. You call me Jack, I'll call you Rose."

binnie

Movies are rarely the deal breakers (I despised Moulin Rouge, by the way, and was squirmy the entire time). Music, the size of the wedding, the 1972 money pit of a Land Rover you should NOT have bought, which section of the NY Times you read first and a certain member of the other person's family, deal breakers. Good luck, Billy!

binnie

By the way, Ewan McGregor did nothing for me in "Moulin Rouge", but in "Miss Potter" he's heaven.

writergurl

I loathe Crash. I've called it (and continue to call it) a "very special Love Boat episode"! If a prospective "She" were to adore that movie, I'd have to be madly in love/lust(?) to ignore that. I don't think a mere movie (love or hate it) would be a deal breaker for me.

However, there ARE deal breakers. The major things that will not be tolerated by me; rudeness, smoking, stinginess, dishonesty and being a f'ing Republican (since I know that I couldn't be involved with a lesbian who loved Ol' Shrub). There's at least one set of minor annoyances that I can't live with: bad manners at the table; chewing with the mouth open and smacking as if you're a cow chewing cud will drive me around the bend as well as make me question if I EVER want to kiss you.

Miriam Paschal

No deal breakers here. We've been married almost 25 years. My husband is not really into movies. There are a few he likes, but he mainly leaves the loving of them to me. He's into other stuff that doesn't interest me.

We have plenty of interests in common, but not really movies. He is, however, very supportive of what I do as it relates to movies. And I was spending so much time watching Dexter just recently that he got into that too.

Jen

Deal-breakers? Any kind of love for Million Dollar Baby or the collected films of Woody Allen. Also, Portrait of a Lady was horrific, but I can't imagine anyone actually liking that movie, so it doesn't need to be said.

I'm much more lenient for movies I love, so if you don't think Say Anything was the greatest movie of all time, well, okay. You're wrong, but okay.

jamy

I know that if a man I dated hated "Born Yesterday" (1950) I would have a hard time getting over it. (One bf said it was just 'eh' and it really hurt my feelings!)

My movie-industry cousin told me this story. He was at a party and was having a great conversation with a guy. Then the guy said, "I saw this great movie--have you seen it? 'The Majestic.'" Of course, my cousin doesn't have to see "The Majestic" to know it's schlock. He asked me, "Is it wrong to judge someone's character by their taste in film?"

My answer is usually 'no.' But it's hard to defend that position if they love "The Majestic."

My bf despairs that I don't love the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but I think he can forgive me. We both love old movies, such as "The Philadelphia Story," which is more than enough for me.

christina

Wow. Deal breakers. Don't get me started. My brother tells me I'm the hardest person to date he knows and says that is why I'm still single. He's probably right.

Immediate deal breakers: lying, using hard drugs (I can tolerate pot, alcohol and the occasional cigarette, can't tolerate cocaine, daily smoking or "wake and bake" pot smoking), cheapness, not reading fiction, having a bunch of liberal stickers plastered all over the back of your Prius - i.e. the sensitive new age guy types (blech), bad taste in music...

The last three or four guys I've been interested in have been musicians. I really love dating them. They're much more fun than the academics and engineers I dated in my twenties. However, with musicians comes the problem of supporting oneself. You know the joke, "What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?" "Homeless."

So now the big deal breaker for me is this: not being financially self-supporting.

Martine

A few weeks after I met my current beau, we discovered that we both really hated "Dancer in the dark", to the point of wanting to scream at the filmmaker (even if he couldn't hear us). It cemented our young relationship.

Maybe a couple doesn't actually need to agree on all movies they watch to stay together. Maybe they just need to really hate one film together. ;-)

christina

I didn't read your post at the end carefully enough - I thought you meant "in general" deal breakers.

My movie deal breakers?

Let's start at the obvious... Someone who doesn't get Spinal Tap will be immediately crossed off the list. Ideally, they've memorized the dialogue. And if they don't laugh when I point out that my Fender tube amp goes to 12, that's a big, red flag.

A guy who doesn't get Charlie Kaufman? That'd be a deal breaker too.

binnie

I could probably fall in love with anyone who hated "The English Patient" as much as I did.
I didn't much care for "Eternal Sunshine...", either. See Billy? It would never have worked out!

Janet

The Cotton Club isn't a romantic comedy really, but if object of affection couldn't appreciate its vivacity...

Well, I just know if I could talk to him.

Janet

correction: I don't know if I could talk to him.

jamy

I just reread my comment and I should have said that I DO think it's wrong to judge someone's character by their taste in film. (Obviously, that doesn't stop me.)

Brooke

The Princess Bride - if he doesn't love it, he is outta there.

mernitman

Marrije: Yeah, that Rambo Rocky thing wouldn't do it for me...

Robin: But see, what if that leads to you having to watch TITANIC with her a couple of dozen times?!

Binnie: "Which section of the Times you read first"?

Writergurl: Yuck, yes...

Miriam: Any guy who'll respect his wife's interest in serial killers seems okay in my book.

Jen: I even shudder THINKING about "Portrait" and as for "Anything," is there really anything to discuss?!

Jamy: "The Majestic," ouch. Nice to think that "Philadelphia Story" is your rom-com comfort zone...

Christina: Hey, those all sound fine to me. Though *clears throat* I AM a musician...

Martine: Mutual hatred of a film is a very effective bonder, and I can't think of a sweeter hatred-bonder than "Dancer."

Christina: "Tap" and Charlie? I'm with you there.

Janet: Ah, young Diane Lane! And old Julian Beck...

Jamy: ...and there's your basic human dichotomy in a nutshell.

Brooke: Inconceivable!!!

Sal

"A Matter of Life and Death" - I could forgive someone for not having seen it (just) but to dismiss it as anything other than genius would be a cinematic crime in my mind, and a total deal breaker.

Other checkpoint questions:
- which version of "39 Steps" is the best? Correct answer: the Robert Donat version, of course.
- do you like musicals? Correct answer: no.
- you don't mind if I have lustful thoughts about Johnny Depp/George Clooney/Keanu Reeves/Daniel Craig, do you? Correct answer: I'm sure I'll benefit in the long run.

binnie

An ex-fiance thought I was frivolous because I read the Arts and Leisure section of the Times before anything else in the paper.
Mind you, I said EX-fiance.

Chris

I loved Moulin Rouge, Eternal Sunshine, and The English Patient. Clearly I'm a man in no position to impose dealbreakers on any woman who might have me.

duncanralston

you're a stronger man than i. i walked out of moulin rouge(!) within the first three minutes.

Robin

>

That thought sent a shiver AND a shudder down my spine. I may have to re-think my "lying is good" theory.

brooke

Dump the broad. It's you and me, babe.

Big Dreams

She likes most of what I like and tolerates the rest. I enjoy taking her for a chick flick since that gets her in a happy mood.

Ruth Yunker

Movies as relationship barometers? Now that you mentioned it--
I divorced my first husband over his yearly Christmas must-see "It's a Wonderful Life".
For sixteen years my second husband insisted on "Avalon" every year at Hanukkah.
But so, I must confess. "Love Actually" is my holiday movie. I watch it alone.

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