Is Dating Dated?

Or is it that journalists are desperate for material? Either way, there's been a spate of urgent verbiage lately both online and in hard copy, about how 20-somethings (because really, who cares about the rest of us) aren't dating the way we all used to.

I know - Stop the presses (No, really: stop them!). But things are different for young people here in the 21st century, right? Actually, even this premise has been thoughtfully questioned in a recent New Yorker piece by Nathan Heller, but anyway: The New York Times just announced "The End of Courtship", and this comes right on the heels of an Atlantic article positing that committed relationships, or whatever may be left of them, have been just about totalled by the prevalence of online dating sites and social media.

There are already some great pithy rebuttals to these pieces online. But I'm bringing all of this up in the context of yet another pundit informing us that the romantic comedy is on life support. Hogwash (as I pointed out a few weeks ago). Are you writing a romantic comedy? Then boy, is your glass half-full.

Because Dan Slater's piece (the Atlantic link, above) about how online romance is threatening monogamy is loaded with potential story ideas. Say... What happens when a guy with dating ADD, due to the constant flow of Availables already lined up on his iPhone, finally meets his match - but she has the same issue? Or in Alex Williams' "Courtship" piece, say she's a girl from the "dating" crowd, and he's a guy from the "hookup" group, and high jinks ensue when they cross those boundaries to...

You get the idea. Girls doesn't have to be the only show that's presently mining the ostensible confusion that's reigning on the contemporary dating front. Or rather, just because the small screen seems to have a monopoly on this material (see New Girl, and Girls with Curls Who Hurl, et al) doesn't mean you can't take advantage of what feels like a cultural WTF? moment for your rom-com feature-in-progress.

Gone are the days when a viable rom-com spec could plug in a "bad date montage" and consider itself relevant. We're in new territory now. What all these journalists are poking at is a sense that the age-old paradigm of date, marry and mate is no longer a universal given that involves traditional modes of behavior. Which means that the alert rom-com writer has a number of intriguing new wrinkles to unravel.

What is contemporary, in a romantic comedy? Well, a few lines from Silver Lining Playbook (congrats on the Globe, J-Law!) can serve as one example. Here's an exchange between Him and Her on their first date that's not your grandparents' banter:

Tiffany: What meds are you on?

Pat: I used to be on Lithium and Seroquel and Abilify, but I don't take them anymore, no. They make me foggy and they also make me bloated.

Tiffany: Yeah, I was on Xanax and Effexor, but I agree, I wasn't as sharp, so I stopped.

Pat: You ever take Klonopin?

Tiffany: Klonopin? (Chuckling) Yeah.

Pat: Right?

Tiffany: Jesus.

Meanwhile, there's definitely a Tempest in Teapot vibe to the prevalent punditry. After all, not long ago the New York Times felt compelled to publish an article on what contemporary non-married spouses supposedly call each other. So there may not be anything genuinely zeitgeist-shifting about these supposed disturbances in the romantic force.

But if you are working on a romantic comedy spec right now, you might want to lift your head out of your draft and see what's going on like, out there. Because even if it's in a great big circle, the culture is moving, and it's your job to keep up with the curve.

Comments

[Christina]

"What happens when a guy with dating ADD, due to the constant flow of Availables already lined up on his iPhone, finally meets his match - but she has the same issue?" I've been working on an idea loosely based on this concept. I'm seeing it happen with my friends - two players hook up, everyone can see they're perfect for each other, but they're both so used to be on the prowl that they can't help themselves and end up sabotaging a good thing. What so surprising is to watch my female friends in their 40s say "f--- it" and become sluts after being good or married or monogamous in their 20s and 30s. Lots of material here!

[Scott]

Great post, Billy, as always.

On Facebook you wrote "OMG! Everything's different. Or not."

I would suggest there is something fundamental that's different: people today have less desire to intimately connect because other things take the place of personal contact, triggering our reward system yet leaving us ultimately unsatisfied in very important ways.

I predict "Warm Bodies" will be successful because it taps into not just the zombie craze but this great emotional detachment that started with not knowing our neighbors and extended to not knowing our hook-up partners. Did we lose ourselves also?

[E.C. Henry]

Great reply, Scott! Great breakdown of our current, global, romantic conundrum. Fuck Dr. Phil, you the man!

Though I understand the need to know what's going on out there, I also realize the greater need to infuse vision to society as a whole. Screenwriters are leaders, not followers. I believe it's up to us, the enlightened, to bring the masses into the light of a better day. Problems with romance? Kay, leave it to me, and others like me, and we'll give you stories that will inspire you to have a REAL romances of your own. Is this bravado speaking? Damn straight, Skippy! But I honestly believe that the screenwriters ARE the inspiration for a better tomorrow, so let us lead and not follow.

[Chris Badeaux]

Billy, this post rocks! Amazing. I think today, as a society, we're lazy. Hence the fast food mentality, which I feel translates well into the dating scene as well. That is until you fall in love, because that's when that fast food mentality ends, and the meticulous ingredient search mixed with joy awakens the lazy spirit, all for that very special girl or guy. Love will always be understood and longed for in movies, but it's the way that leads us there that has changed I feel. This post opened so many doors in my head, so thank you!

[mernitman]

Christina, sounds like you have your finger on the right pulse.

Scott: Agreed, and intrigued by "Warm Bodies." And "other things taking the place of personal contact" does seem to be the thematic through-line of interest, here. Well put.

Lead on, EC!

Chris, you're so welcome - "opening head doors" could be my mission statement.

[tracinell]

You make several excellent points, and the take-away for me is, "stay current, stay relevant, write well."

But, give me your POV on the stats: (source boxofficemojo.com)

Silver Linings Playbook (2012): prod cost $21M, 9 week Foreign + Dom = $55M

vs.

The Proposal (2009) Prod cost $40M, F+D over 20 weekends $317.3M

or something more recent--and considered a flop?

This Means War (2012) Prod cost $65M, F+D over 17 weekends $157M

Is the ROI difference due to R rating? Or, not marketing it as a RomCom? Or, is the modern RomCom audience not truly interested in modern "reality," instead choosing an escape/entertainment?

Enquiring minds want to know. ;)

[Scott]

#18 on the list of "Signs Your Relationship May Have Intimacy Problems": The most romantic thing your boyfriend has ever said is "I love how you make my feel on Facebook."

[mernitman]

Tracinell: You raise a lot of good questions and I don't have ready-made answers. Re: SILVER, the slow platform release is a big factor - hard to say how it'll ultimately do until after the Oscars, but obviously, it's been awhile since an Old School rom-com like The Proposal has really scored (It's Complicated did pretty well). Re: the R-rating, that stigma is fading, but slowly... and your last question is one that every studio would like to know the answer to. From my POV, I'd say both kinds of movies (i.e. reality-based and escapist) are finding an audience.

Scott: LOL.