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It seems to me this technique, like all techniques, comes down to the same thing: "How can I can I have a fulfilling relationship with someone I don't know, won't ever bother to get to know, don't want to take the time to get to know? Surely there must be an easy way to do this?"

Actually, that sounds like a lot of romantic comedies too. In the third act someone realizes there is a lot more to the person they thought they knew.


Ick, ick, ick--that's how the tone of the article struck me.

What she really did was change her own behavior, which is all any of us can do. For that, she should be commended since is terribly hard. If she needed to think of it as "training," well, that still makes me sad.

E.C. Henry


My dad contstantly boasts about his sucessfull "training" of my mother: getting her to make him his breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday, clean his clothes and do all the housework. Mentality: the husband brings home the bacon, the little woman cooks up the bacon.

I think this issue of mates training mates goes back to the cental core issue of sexual curiousity: we love members of the opposite sex, yet don't fully understand them because they don't think the same as we do... so we are constantly concocting schemes (some as oddball as relating them to animal behavior) to minipulate our significant others into doing things that suit our own will and tastes.

Now, this theory comes from a man whose never been married before, but even so how'd I do?

- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake,WA


This is called positive reinforcement, and I do this everyday with 23 six year olds. It's an age-old teacher technique. I never thought to use it on a man though. Damn her for taking an old idea and turning it into a money making machine!

Jamy is right though, what she really did was change her own reactions, and that in turn changed her husband's reactions. Damn her!


I, too, read that article - and just received a notice from the Times that it was the most read article in the last THIRTY DAYS - and it depressed the hell out of me. Are all relationships destined to be about power? It has always seemed to me - and it explains a lot about my romantic history, I suppose - that you should think about how you would like to be treated, and treat your loved one the same way. I've never understood why that's so difficult...


Bill: All too true...

Jamy: Yes, it saddened me.

E.C.: Actual, sincere inquiry followed by LISTENING has always seemed a better approach to me than "manipulation"...

Brooke: Yes, damn them all and me, too for good measure. And anybody else who's smarter than us.

Binnie: Uh-huh, and tell that to a compassionate conservative...

Annie D.

One of my friends has a (bad) habit of referring to her successful, covert strategies for "training" her husband. She and I have rumbled about the term, and the connotations underlying it, before.

It really rubs me the wrong way.

I half-jokingly asked her today at lunch if she thought her husband might be covertly "training" her, too.

"Noooo way," she said.

I wonder.


I won't bother to comment about "training" men, since I know nothing about it, and have even less interest, but I wonder, does anyone else think that the person in the very last picture looks like a guy in drag?

Jesus, maybe I should quit hanging out with those gay boys...


Lighten up everybody. It's funny!


Oh! Ha ha.


Annie D: Interesting blind spot, that...

WriterGurl: Now that you mention it...

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