Imagine that you're a writer in need of a pen name. You come up with one and use this alternate persona for the better part of a decade, publishing a number of books as Pen Name -- and eventually, you retire, taking Pen Name off the market. Imagine your surprise when one day many years later, out of the blue, Pen Name comes looking for you...
Imagine, on the other hand, that you're an aspiring writer, thinking about writing a book. But before you can even write a chapter, a friend shows you an already published book... with your name on the cover as its author.
Both of these scenarios have a Charlie Kaufman-esque, Stranger Than Fiction kind of feel, no? Possible premise for a high concept comedy?
Not really -- it's just my life.
Some readers may remember that I, Billy Mernit, was once a woman -- or to rephrase that less sensationally (sorry, couldn't resist): I had a flourishing career many years ago as a romance novelist, under a female nom de plume. This post and this post will furnish you with the lurid details, but to recap: back in the '80s, when the apparently ironclad rule of the genre was that only women wrote romance novels, I wrote 20 of those warm'n'fuzzy heavy-breathers -- it was one fairly painless way for a writer to pay the rent -- as "Lee Williams" and then "Leigh Anne Williams."
The "Williams" part came from my legal first name, naturally enough, and the "Lee" was my then-wife's middle name. When I moved from the Second Chance at Love imprint to Harlequin American, the editors requested the shift from androgynous Lee to the more overtly feminine Leigh, and added the Anne... for reasons of their own, so far as I can recall.
Leigh Anne never attended any of the various romance novel conventions and functions back then (for obvious reasons). But she did answer the occasional fan letter. She had a chatty, convivial "voice" all her own. She was both me and not me; we had a close, intimate Adam's rib-like relationship.
As Ms. Williams, I had a pretty good run (20 published novels in 7 years), though I did tire of the form and was actually pretty relieved to be done with being Leigh. Since these novels have a short shelf-life and the last one came out in '89, my life as Leigh Anne Williams has long been a thing of the past, at least in my own mind.
So maybe you can imagine just how bizarre it was, when only a few nights ago, I checked my e-mails and found one from Leigh Anne Williams sitting in my box.
I must have sat there for a good twenty seconds just trying to get my mind around this seeming impossibility. A prank? Pretty elaborate, and from whom and why? An acid flashback? Finally I opened the e-mail itself, which read:
Dear Mr. Mernit, As you may have already noticed from my email address, I'm writing to you because of an odd coincidence. Your Harlequin pen name is my real name. A further coincidence is that a friend gave me a copy of one of your books at a time when I had just finished my undergraduate English degree, and rather desperate for a job that paid more than minimum wage, I had casually mentioned the idea of trying to write a romance novel. I was quite surprised and somewhat dismayed to see that someone had already done just that under my name. I assumed it was a pen name and was always curious to know who the real writer was.
Leigh Anne went on to explain that though she never did try her hand at a romance novel, she became a journalist, and that recently, years after her surreal encounter with Leigh Anne II, she was googling in search of an on-line version of a story she'd written for the Canadian edition of Time Magazine... and came upon my blog posts.
Of course I didn't believe a word of this. Wholly identifying with the Emma Thompson author character from Stranger Than Fiction (in part because I am/was a woman writer), I assumed that this Leigh Anne Williams was in fact my self-created alter ego, who somehow became detached from me years ago, and has been living under the delusion that she's a real, autonomous human being ever since.
The poor dear! Just like Will Ferrell in Fiction, who thought he was a regular guy until he suddenly started hearing his creator-author narrating his life in his head, my Leigh Anne has developed an elaborate, very convincing personal history. Take a look at this web page, where she's mustered up all kinds of impressive credits and credentials for her imaginary life! Little does she know that everything about her, including the hair (when I was Leigh Anne, I was most definitely a blonde) is just a figment of my imagination.
Not wanting to upset her, I've played along. I wrote back to Ms. Williams regarding her request -- she'd like to write an article about pen names, and this "coincidence" strikes her as an intriguing hook for it -- and we had a fascinating phone conversation yesterday.
I have to say, I wrote her well. She was bright, charming, and funny. It was an odd sensation, being interviewed by someone you've created, but it's always fun to talk about one's self, even when one's self is talking to one's other self.
And being a rom-com maven, I couldn't help fantasizing about how such a story might develop, since -- had I not already been spoken for in the real-life romance department -- it would've been perfectly natural to ask Leigh Anne Williams out. Leigh Anne Williams dates Leigh Anne Williams... and high jinks ensue! Practically writes itself, doesn't it? The movie becomes sort of a Stranger meets Tootsie rom-com -- throw in a lesbian or transvestite subplot and there's all kinds of meta-fun to be had.
Maybe too complicated, though. In real life, I've kept everything collegially platonic and professional with Ms. Williams, who's a good writer and shares my love of Leonard Cohen (of course she does, being... me). Why does she need to be confronted with who she really is? She'll be happier believing that she's the "real" Leigh Anne Williams, don't you think? And I'll be fine with all of this, myself.
Unless I hear from someone named Billy Mernit.
I've always thought your previous life as a romance novelist merits a longer treatment. I love that she's going to write about it!
You know who my alter ego is? Google my name. Yep, that's right, a friggin' Playboy centerfold from the 80s. I'm sure that disconcerts the techie guys who are Google stalking me before they date and/or interview me...
Posted by: christina | January 10, 2007 at 07:15 PM
My gosh, Billy, your art has come to life! No Frankenstine here -- your pseudonym turned flesh and blood is a hotttie! And a hottie with a brain, no less.
"Stranger than Fiction" meets "Living the Romantic Comedy" and the results were pretty darn cool. You, Billy Mernit, are BLESSED. Wish my own personal "Stanger than Fiction" experiences were as rosey as yours.
- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA
Posted by: E.C. Henry | January 10, 2007 at 07:23 PM
You know, maybe it's the jet lag, but your posts are beginning to scare me...
Posted by: binnie | January 11, 2007 at 12:46 AM
Even though it's not exactly a "rom-com", the movie The Dark Half explores... well, the darker side of what happens when the pen name manifests itself upon being ignored.
It would have been an interesting romantic comedy, though.
Posted by: mike | January 11, 2007 at 02:17 AM
There are at least another four of me - two of them are eminent professors and one used to write saucy articles for women's glossies and Sunday papers, which led to some interesting conversations with students, back when I was teaching, along the lines of "I read an old Cosmo at the dentist's yesterday - did you really do that thing you wrote about?" No, no no! It wasn't me!
Posted by: Sal | January 11, 2007 at 03:09 AM
If you don't write this one as a screenplay soon, I will. What a funny story. And I always thought your writing reminded me of Leigh Anne Williams!
Posted by: Neil | January 11, 2007 at 07:29 AM
I want to apologize right up front to Leigh Anne for my terrible behavior that night in Miami at Joe's. Honestly, I didn't intend to have the stone crab fly into your eye. Really, I didn't. And after, at the hospital, that whole thing with that nurse was a mistake on my part. I hope you can forgive me...
Seriously, it sounds like your email Leigh Anne friend needs to get out more. Maybe a weekend pass from the mental facility (accompanied by the psych nurse, of course) to home to see the folks or something
Posted by: Alan Smithee | January 11, 2007 at 09:35 AM
I'm with Binnie. There's a certain je ne sais pas quoi about your current giddiness...although it's justified, most definitely justified.
Posted by: Ruth Yunker | January 11, 2007 at 10:58 AM
Christina: That's pretty funny. But why not just admit that you and Hef go waaaaay back?
EC: Oh, I dunno; you've got so many rom-com fantasy scenarios in your fertile brain that I bet this year at least one of them will come true.
Binnie: BWAH-ha-ha-HA...!
Mike: DARK HALF sounds interesting -- thanks for the tip, will check it out...
Oh, sure, Sal -- keep denying it -- but we know better!...
Neil: How weird, because she thinks my writing reminds her of some blogger named Neil...
Alan: This from a man who's directed more bad movies than anyone else in the industry?!
Ruth: I AM justified. I am!!!
BWAH-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa!...
Posted by: mernitman | January 11, 2007 at 03:03 PM
That is funny stuff.
I think I may have read some of your novels back in the day. I love a good romance novel, me. Especially on holiday. I'll read one a day (I read fast). Is there a reason you stopped writing them? These days with the popularity of the ongoing series about sisters or towns or secret societies, it could be quite a satisfying way to tell complex stories that are too big for the rom com movie.
I've always had it in the back of my mind I'd love to try to write one, just never got off my ass and tried.
I live where Harlequin does and I've heard they offer seminars and such because they're desperate for new writers ... that's why they're re-releasing all the old books from 20 and 30 years ago, to meet the demand here and overseas.
Posted by: Caroline | January 13, 2007 at 08:49 AM
one time, I met someone who had my name.
She was a real bitch.
...i woulda punched her, had her name not been so cool.
Posted by: jess | January 14, 2007 at 09:35 PM
Too funny...LMAO.
Posted by: Dave | January 14, 2007 at 10:01 PM
Caroline: The story of my timely demise as a romance authoress can be found on the two links cited in the 5th para... The idea of Harlequin scouring the landscape for writers is pretty funny... maybe now's your time?
Jess: And she prob'ly never knew how close she came...
Dave: Hope the A is reattached by now.
Posted by: mernitman | January 16, 2007 at 11:47 AM