There's something a little strange going on in "It's not TV, it's HBO"-land these days. While HBO looks in vain for a new Sopranos, over at "It's not HBO, it's AMC," Mad Men, the wholly-addictive show helmed by Sopranos alumni Matt Weiner, has become the most watchable series of the season. Meanwhile HBO's new series Tell Me You Love Me has become what amounts to a cultural oddity: it's watchable in that dubious, "can't tear your eyes away from the car wreck" way, but you can't say -- in spite of all the explicit sex for which the series is already infamous-- that it's remotely sexy.
This is evidently supposed to be the point. The show, writer/producer Cynthia Mort's baby for better or worse, purports to be a study of modern marriage, and as Mort sees it, marriage and sexiness are antithetical. We're privy to the (extremely) intimate details of the conjugal lives of three disparate couples, as well as the married life of these couples' therapist, played by the admirably ever-game Jane Alexander (who'da thunk she'd have to take off her clothes to get a part when she was well into the, um, mature end of her illustrious career?). But we're not allowed to have our prurient interests piqued.
According to Mort -- alert the media -- marriage isn't easy. Specifically, marriage is difficult when -- well past the bloom of courtship and the flurry of sexual activity that generally precedes a more decorous trot down the wedding aisle -- people have to settle into the serious business of living together, perhaps raising children, and somehow finding ways to keep their love alive. If Tolstoy famously noted that each unhappy family is unhappy in their own way, each contemporary marriage, in Mort's view, is unhappy in its bedroom.
Let us count the ways. One 40-something couple, played by Ally Walker and Tim DeKay, haven't had sex in over a year. Another in their 30s, (Sonya Walger and Adam Scott) only have (rigorously scheduled, emotionally conflicted) sex in an attempt to have a baby. The third -- 20-somethings engaged to be married (played by Michelle Borth and Luke Farrell Kirby) -- have passionate, down'n'dirty sex all the time, but the future of their union is in question because fiance Luke doubts that he'll be able to stay faithful to his future wife. So their sex, albeit steamy, is suffused with anger, fear, sadness and desperation. And even the sex between elderly Jane A. and her husband is fraught, because she's recently started seeing an old flame.
Are you turned on yet?
Seriously: is there such a thing as good sex -- i.e. erotic and angst-free sex -- in Tell Me's universe? Not in the three episodes I've seen, and I wouldn't bank on it showing up anytime soon. And this is the thing I find perverse about the conception of the show. It was instantly controversial due to its graphic and explicit portrayal of sexual intimacy; even the oldsters bare skin, and there's too much of everyone's genitalia glimpsed here and there to qualify as soft-core. But the sex has been written, directed, shot and edited to be "realistic" -- i.e. willfully unromanticized and un-erotic -- so The Act is purposefully portrayed as being the opposite of pleasurable.
What a weird-ass approach to such subject matter: it's as if Mort and Co. are saying, "It's okay that we're pushing the envelope re: nudity and sex on TV, because Lord knows we're not out to arouse anybody, and hey, nobody who's nude and having sex here is having a good time!" As an excuse for questionable behavior -- or a rationale for not providing an audience with genuine fun -- it's a bit like someone telling you they've cheated on their lover, but it doesn't matter because they didn't enjoy it.
Within a recent NY Times article (It Isn't a Real Sex Scene? I Still Need a Cigarette) that focuses on the difficulties experienced by actors when they're forced to enact such line-crossing acts, Ms. Mort had this to say about her intentions:
“The goal is to make it moving and emotional and intimate and, yes, uncomfortable at times, because not everyone is comfortable with sex,” she said. “You’re trying to capture that.”
Right. We get it. I'm being hoisted on my own petard here, because I've always said (in my rom-com book and on this site) that the best kind of on-screen intimacy comes from having real characters involved, from not having characterization -- or the plot -- disappear as soon as the camera goes into the bedroom. And the plus side of Tell Me lies in its willingness to take a courageous, unblinking look at all the little details of Marriage As We Know It, beyond its marital bed discomforts. While each episode seems to ricochet from the truly interesting to the thuddingly banal, you want to give Tell Me its props for being more honest about what really does go on between consenting adults in a long-term relationship than what you generally see on both small screen and big.
Still, I can't help being irked by what feels like the doggedly puritanical ethical bottom line here: apparently America still can't handle hot. We can only show you the sexy stuff, the show is saying, if it isn't sexy. In terms of pleasure, Tell Me You Love Me takes away before it even begins to give; though it comes on all "ooooh-are-we-naughty!" all the naughty bits come pre-spanked (and not in the good-nasty sense). It's hard-R-rated with no rrrrrr -- it's sexual spinach.
But is it good for us? Not necessarily. Watching Tell Me, I find myself yearning for either the delicious guilt of European art-smut (e.g. Last Tango, The Lover, etc.) or the ticklish frisson of sublimated sexiness in a good old-fashioned screwball (e.g. Carole Lombard in just about anything, but especially Twentieth Century's pajamas) -- you know, the kind of movies where sex, however illicit or off-screen, is... fun.
Since when is there an error in "erotic?" Are we still so un-evolved (in the US) that we're not ready to contemplate -- nay, enjoy -- the spectacle of edgy sex that's angst-free and pleasurably titillating? Say it ain't so, Living Rom-Commers. 'Cause (call me kinky, call me crazy) I for one would like to think that married life can still be, well -- romantic.
Don't have HBO so I haven't seen "Tell Me You Love Me," and by your description of it, Billy, it sounds like something I wouldn't like. I've never been into ANY movie or TV show where couples in question are bed hoppers or just plain miserable in their relationship.
I want to see couples where the hope of romance and happiness exists. If you don't have that, in opinion, don't bother.
As far as sex goes, I prefer it when the director has the decency to FADE OUT when things between a couple get so hot and steamy that clothes start coming off. Hint at good sex and leave it the audience's imagination to fill in the blanks. I, for one, don't need a blow by blow depiction of how two people enjoy each other. If you want to go further than that, I fear, your trending in the bounds of pornograhy, and that's a place I think mainstream movies and TV series need to stay clear of.
- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA
Posted by: E.C. Henry | October 01, 2007 at 06:21 AM
Kinky! Crazy!! (Well, you said...)
Didja ever notice that while all of Jane Austen's unmarried characters are looking for true romance, all the already-married ones are quite miserable? Austen and HBO, sending the same message!
Posted by: binnie | October 01, 2007 at 09:24 AM
Interesting post and topic. I was truly taken aback at the first sight of testicles on the show. I can understand that real people don't hide under the covers, but when did these become real people?
I don't know if I liked the show or not. It was weird seeing a senior citizen do oral (end of Ep1) or watching the hand job that was given.
It was almost as surprising as Chloe in Brown Bunny. I just think that it doesn't matter either way (testicles in view or not) but the taboos are the issue.
I mean I see testicles in the shower at the gym so it's not like I'm offended.
I personally would never show genitalia in a screenplay but only because it can lead to turning a lot of people off before they get to the meat of the drama.
I'm working on one script where if I showed anything, it would be an NC17 movie as there are lots of sex acts, some of which are only seen in XXX.
It is a bold show and I'll be surprised if it last even one season. There doesn't seem to be a backlash from it so maybe people will allow themselves to look beyond the puritan and embrace modern life.
It seems to me like a well-written CineMax late night movie which s good because those movies really suck.
I'm surprised they didn't throw a lesbian couple in (yet another thing I don't get).
Just please no more oral or handjobs. That really freaked me out trying to figure if the ejaculation was real or staged (there's not much you CAN'T do anymore).
I guess I still can't see it as much more than sexploitation even if there's a message.
Didn't see it last night but I guess my postulate has now been proven. I have never watched a movie for sex or nudity. And movies with plenty of either never get my attention as I'm scanning channels.
Posted by: Christian Howell | October 01, 2007 at 10:44 AM
The best new show of the season for me, with the best sexual tension between the lead and a bunch of supporting characters was..."Life".
Looking forward to how this series unspools.
Posted by: Bhurn | October 01, 2007 at 11:58 AM
I'm not sure marriage can be romantic. I'm the most happily married person I know, and my marriage is many things -- and not just the boring things you'd expect like "loving" and "stable." It's sexy and it's challenging and it's kinky and bold and erotic and gratifying. But "romantic" implies something unfulfilled, the promise of something unseen and yeah, in marriage, (especially I think in a good marriage) you *do* see it all. I never wonder if he's going to kiss me. Or if he really likes me, or any of the nervous/thrilling things I associate with romance. I think expecting marriage to be romantic may be like wanting a meal to be hunger-inducing. Marriage satisfies romance. Or disappoints it.
Romance is about wanting what you don't have. Marriage is about having what you want. I still want it. But I want it the way I want Oreos when I've got some in the pantry. Romance is the whole find-pants-drive-to-the-store-oh-god-they're-out quest for a cookie.
Marriage is more Oreos-and-whiskey-instead-of-milk-tonight surprising. It's not without suspense, but it doesn't have, really shouldn't have the "will he or won't he?" that I associate with romance. Now I need an Oreo.
Posted by: Skye | October 01, 2007 at 07:57 PM
EC: "I want to see couples where the hope of romance and happiness exists" -- Hey, I'll drink to that.
Binnie: Now that you mention it, have we ever seen Austen and HBO in the same room together...?!
Christian: Testicles -- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em...
Bhurn: Thanks for the tip. I'll check out "Life."
Skye: You make a very interesting and provocative distinction. Not sure I entirely agree on your somewhat narrowed definition of the term, so we may be into some semantical splitting here, but -- hmmm. Now look what you made me do: I have to THINK about it...
Posted by: mernitman | October 02, 2007 at 01:36 PM
I'm with Billy on this. "Tell Me" has proved for all to see that sex isn't sexy.
But then we all knew that. The truth about marriage is we've seen it all before. Who wants the same old story on TV.
Austen and the BBC may be one-up after all. Mr Darcy in that wet shirt captivated a nation.
TV land used to know the power of suggestion. What happened?
Posted by: Joanna Farnsworth | October 06, 2007 at 10:43 AM
Skye, your comment "I'm not sure marriage can be romantic" is something I both agree and don't agree with.
It can't be romantic all the time. Definitely, no argument there. Just a little too hard when you're both standing there with number 2 or vomit over both of you. Reality sucks. That's why you have a drink together at the end of the day:).
Aiming to be romantic, when you can, is I think, the best you can aim for. Little things, messages on mirrors when you have gone to work, text messages, letters, flowers, surprises(doing the ironing when it isnt your turn is huge! :) ) Big things weekends away together, etc are all part of trying to keep the magic alive(
Keeping the romance alive(sometimes it needs CPR, cripes some weeks you need a defibulator) is challenge in marriage and is infinitely harder than when there are no kids around.
When you do achieve true romance in spite of all the challenges, it is actually sweeter.
Just my 2 cents (less tax) worth.
cheers
Dave.
Posted by: David Thomas | October 06, 2007 at 12:57 PM
Billy!
I watched about 15 minutes of Tell Me and found it to be nothing more than Thirtysomething with gratuitous nudity.
Have you seen Californication? Best new show on television.
Posted by: scarlet hip | October 07, 2007 at 09:43 PM
Joanna: Well, no matter what's happened, at least Darcy in a wet shirt still works.
Dave: Thanks for a sweet two cents, and for making IRONING romantic. No mean feat, that.
Scarlet: I'm a little scared of Californication 'cause of that "oh, the poor little rich writer" thing, but I'm willing to take a closer look.
Posted by: mernitman | October 07, 2007 at 11:01 PM
Michelle Borth, a star of "Tell Me You Love Me," talks about the show in this audio interview: http://www.mrmedia.com/2007/09/michelle-borth-tell-me-you-love-me.html .
Posted by: Bob | October 14, 2007 at 07:06 PM
We have a site devoted to "classy, not trashy" intimate romantic sex videos. I think women will enjoy as well as men. To visit, please click: http://romantic-sex-thumblogger.com'
Posted by: Chrystal Munch | June 27, 2009 at 07:01 AM