Politics Ruins Couple's Sex Life

Politics makes strange bedfellows.   -- Charles Dudley Warner

There are any number of wondrous new experiences that my girlfriend (now fiancee) Tater has brought into my life, backpacking in the Alps and the taste of properly fried and seasoned tofu among them, but the one thing I truly hadn't counted on was a new kind of addiction.

My name is Billy and I am an election junkie.

I'd never been a particularly political creature in the past, but my relative disinterest in stump speeches, poll tracking, and TV punditry now seems a distant memory.  Of course you'd have to be brain-dead not to be interested in the current presidential race, given that this time around, it seems that what's at stake is not only the future but the very soul of America.  But I have never in my life spent so much time in front of the computer, television and radio avidly soaking up who just said what out there on the campaign trail, and what it all means.  And I have to lay some of the blame on my honey.

Tater's a journalist with a truly patriotic heart, and she's also a computer maven; she was writing a blog back when the word itself was barely minted.  Thus she's been wired into the all the myriad portals of our excessive information age for many years now, and since it's her job to know the details, she has a staggering, encyclopedic knowledge of political facts, names and histories.  She's pulled me into the matrix of what's really happening here, and as a relative newbie on this turf, the more I learn, the more I'm  exposed to new levels of WTF?! outrage.

Outrage is, after all, the coin of the realm here, transcending parties and philosophies; one person may be outraged by the idea that Barack Obama thinks he should be president, where another may be outraged by the idea that Sarah Palin thinks. 

WTF?! outrage is a prime component of the addiction: you can't believe what this candidate just said, so you're all the more fired up to find out what the other guy said in response.  Then you have to hear what They -- the MSM (that would be "mainstream media" to the uninfected) and the blogosphere have to say about what was said, which more often than not yields more outrage.  And there is no cure, don't you know: all you can do is go back to the NY Times, back to the blogs.  And such small items of concern as food, one's livelihood, personal grooming, et al, well -- I'll get to that after CNN tonight, okay?

In this respect, of late Tater and I largely resemble crackheads, stumbling past each other en route to TV or computer screen for another fix, and commiserating briefly over the quality of the junk.  We live side by side in separate apartments, with walkie-talkies and e-mail for communiques, and gone are the days when little sexy love notes would shoot in and out of our mailboxes; instead we fire viral videos and links back and forth, with hastily typed cries of hurrah or indignation, accordingly.

One column Tater told me about (lost in the deluge, unfortunately) had a chart, listing items like "You know you're a political addict when..." (you type P into your browser and Politico comes up, you type in D and you get Daily Kos, etc.).  Other symptoms would include the obsessive need to refresh those sites, even within one visit, just on the chance that some new news has broken (and it has, these days, it almost invariably has); another would be mood swings that more or less match the latest Gallup poll stats.

One weird and troubling aspect of this addiction is that, true to form, it's not even about getting high anymore.  We're really only maintaining our habits, until the next more-potent shipment comes in (mark this Friday the 26th for when our legion of political media addicts mainline the motherlode of the first debate, a night when many Heads may actually explode).  In the meantime we're stuck with the equivalent of inferior weed.  As Entertainment Weekly's Mark Harris has pointed out, for all our complaining about crappy reality TV, "Election coverage is bigger than American Idol. Sadly, it's also dumber."

Not without its idiosyncratic micro-entertainment value, of course: sprawled in campaign junkie stupor on the couch, we're just as likely to discuss say, commentator Candy Crowley's mood or latest hair style ("She seems a little... done-up tonight, don't you think?") as we are to decipher the latest vagaries of shifting economic policy ("I never knew the word fundamentals meant that, did you?").
 
All of this has kept us as close and bonded as ever, except...  It happened one night.  Just last week, actually: After Tater and I had finally torn our mind-muddied, eyeball-sore bodies away from the late night politico info-blitz (step away from the media...!) and tumbled into bed together, and I put my hand there and she put her leg there and one thing was on the way to leading to another, I made the mistake of saying something -- an idle little fantasy thought about us getting away from all this.  And she responded, How could we afford that?  Especially if the policies of Their Guy won the day on November 4th, and...

The fun stuff soon ground to a halt, and that night, lucky we did not get.  As we hung onto each other in whatever you call the opposite of afterglow, I opined that the night's political wallow -- and fear that Our Guy might not get there -- had left me feeling frustrated, and well... impotent. 

It's a feeling perhaps not unfamiliar to like, those of us who've just been summarily stuck with a 700 billion dollar tax bill. 

Tater owned up to having the same sensation.  Living in a fairly constant state of political anxiety?  Not exactly sexy, to tell you the truth. 

I really do wish we were all voting tomorrow, so that this addictive roller-coaster ride could reach its end, one way or the other.  When it starts interfering with your bedtime fun, ya know, something's gotta give.

Comments

[E.C. Henry]

Sorry to hear this current election season is causing problems in the romance department. Didn't Gena Davis and Michael Keaton do a rom-com on that about 15 years ago?

Never been one to get that emersed in politics. But I have my own little adictions to work through; NFL football. Watching it 10 a.m. to 8:45 p.m. is a little much -- especially when your team (the Seahawks) loses...
But I love it soo. Torn. Wish you and Tater didn't live so far away so you could impart lessons learned to this represenation of the younger generation. Anyway I could get you two to relocate up here to Bonney Lake, WA?

- E.C. Henry

[binnie]

Ohmygod the ANXIETY!!! This election/financial climate hasn't been good for anyone. I have heart palpitations daily, I swear, and man, do I miss Tim Russert. Everybody, seatbelts ON for the debates!
And yes, I'm scared shitless.

[j]

When it comes to politics, I feel like so many people are talking that I can't hear a word. I'm trying to figure out what exactly is being said, but no one wants to come out and SAY IT. Distinctly. With an exclamation point.

All this vagueness is exhausting.

[Christian Howell]

I feel for you. I'm not really into politics as it's usually the same old fart making it up as they go along.

This election is rather interesting as another fiscally-irresponsible President (anyone who thinks like Bush) will doom this country.

I can say that I actually liked listening to Obama speak which is amazing to me. McCain seems to speak with a forked-tongue.

I'd definitely though rather see Obama\Biden than McCain\Palin.

I think I'm addicted now though because I've listened to Obama's acceptance speech like 4 times and am actually looking forward to Friday.

[Anna]

Who in the film business can resist the thrill of any conflict and the joy of digging deeper in it? Easy to understand your political addiction. Looking at your society from my far away Swedish point of view, I can say two things: 1. You live in an absolutely wonderful country which I love visiting (I actually do it rather often), and everytime I'm in USA I envy you a lot. 2. Some things are scary, like the enormous amount of homeless in the streets, and the use of torture that somehow seems to be OK in people's general morality (for example when Jack Bauer uses it i "24"). Very strange, and so... not civilized. But I love your country and your culture anyway.

[stephanie]

This is one crazy election year and I've been spending a lot of time making snide remarks at my television like I'm enacting my own Mystery Science Theate 3000 in my living room, only it's Political Science Theater 2008.

[Barbara]

OMG this is a great post. R. and I understand!!! from one addict to another -

[MaryAn]

I'm not disrespecting the office of the president. His power to shape the country is enormous but bottom line - he's one man. ONE.

Yes, he has veto power and yes, he has the ability to put legislation in front of Congress, but so do you. So do I. And, we have representatives at every level of our government (city, county, township, school district, state, federal) and the biggest political mistake we make, the most monumental and idiotic blunder we, as voters, make is not exercising our right to vote in every level of government.

Why? Because every presidential candidate began somewhere. Yet, more people vote for the presidential race than their legislators, local mayor or even governor of their state. Where do we think these two candidates and their running mates came from? How did they get here? We put them there. Yes, we did. We were do busy voting for other presidents to control the pool that future presidents would rise from.

Yes, it's a political climate like no other but it didn't just happen. It's not one person's fault, one party's fault, or one or two cabinets' faults. It's OUR FAULT. We put people in office. We funded their campaigns either by handing out our own money or not screaming loud enough when campaign contributions became so ridiculous.

Then, we blew up their egos up by accepting vague, broad, over-inflated plans that we KNOW GOOD AND WELL no one man can put in place without the support of the Congress.

This candidate won't do this and the other won't do that. Bull. No single man has the ability to even make such promises because it's not up to ONE MAN and we Americans do have the ability to impeach and remove from office any president who is a poor steward of the trust of the American people. But we've proven time and time again that we're too busy being outraged to actually hold a president accountable.

Who's fault is that?

Ours. Because it's much easier to attack the character of a person who had the cajones to author a policy, even a flawed one, than interpret the merits or failures of that policy and either fix it or get rid of the people who wont' fix it.

We have the power to shut down people LONG before they run for the office of president.

But we won't. we wait until they're on the road to nomination to complain.

Monumentally ridiculous things have come out of both camps.

Shame on us. Shame on all of us. We let it happen.

[mernitman]

EC: Bonney Lake starts to look good at certain points during this ongoing nail-biter, but I assume you've got wireless and cable there, so the addiction won't be cured.

Binnie: I miss Tim, too!

J: You know who's saying stuff loudly and clearly? Chris Rock.
And often, Jon Stewart, and sometimes, Bill Maher. Same as it ever was: the comedians (formerly known as fools and court jesters) are always the ones who really do speak truth to power.

Christian: Wasn't that an amazing speech? Those who didn't get it... well, they don't get it.

Anna, that's very generous of you. We, too, are concerned about the homeless and the torture -- that's why we're so eager to get the current corrupt and craven administration out of office.

Stephanie: And all too often it feels like Political Science Fiction Theater, doesn't it?!

I heart Barbara.

MaryAn: This is a thoughtful and important comment. We have to get our friends (not just ourselves) out to the voting booths this year, to stem the very tide of disinterest you're decrying. Thank you for the vent!

[MaryAn]

Sometimes, I go too far.

[Phillip]

Politics and Sex - at least one is all about who's on top...

[Marybeth]

what a wonderfully truth filled inside look at the not so often mentioned serious affects this election is having on the American Bedroom!
I laughed and smiled so often reading your words; but , also felt that urgent * anxious question-what if I or my beloved where to die tonight?
The latest Sarah Palin- fembot -projectile- word vomit, would be the last thing I had in my consciousness--EGADS!!

hmmm... I wonder if I missed any new news while writing this?

[mernitman]

Maryan: So what? As they say, you go, girl.

Phillip: Not both, eh?

Marybeth: My sympathies -- I see you've got it as bad as we do...!