A Letter to My Father

Dear Dad,

It's still near-impossible to believe that you were here in the world with us only a week ago, and now you're gone for good.  None of us - Mom, John, no one who knew you, evidently - can get their minds around this.  The word that keeps coming up when people talk about Dick Mernit is vital.  A big presence like yours leaves a palpable hole, and there's been quite a wave of emotion rushing in to fill the absence.  You wouldn't believe the things people have been saying about you.

I am so glad that I had the great good luck to meet your dad.  It makes me smile just to think of him.

Such a sweet, lovely man - so warm and welcoming.

Dick was always so alive and on the mark.

A big person and just a big fucking joy.  And better at tennis than you or I.

So many things I didn't get to tell you.  The love between us is so strong that I do believe you know most of it, anyway, but I guess this is what I would've wanted to lead with, back when I really could have had this conversation with you: You brightened up the world, Dad.  And this is no ordinary thing.

Such a good, kind-hearted uplifter of spirit, your father was.

I found Dick both energizing and inspiring, particularly in his cheer, bounce, curiosity and graciousness.  He really seemed to be living in the here and now - he gave the impression that he was truly living in the thick of things, luxuriating in the richness of life.  His eyes, mind and heart were open.

One little consolation is that you died at a point in your life when you still had hope in your heart: you were regaining your strength, and you yourself didn't believe you'd be leaving us this soon.  A larger consolation is that the four of us - father, mother and both sons - were together when you took your leave.

Still, it's stubborn, this death of yours.  Every hour I come back to it; it's there and will never go away.  Meanwhile there's the ongoing challenge of keeping you alive, around, amidst and among us.  One stopgap measure: I already associate you (you the lover of good drink and people and the infinite variety of life's most colorful details) with pleasure.  So it's natural enough, when I bite into say, a particularly well-cooked, truly rare piece of steak, to think Dad would like this.  Or to see a woman's fine legs and know your reaction ("Great gams") or watch an amazing return in a tennis match that scores a point and hear you cry "Too good!"  So there you'll be.  I can do that.

The harder part is dealing with what can't be tricked out - the ache at the center of my soul when I know I can't share with you something new.  Finally we do have to keep walking forward, into the future, without you.

What a cool, lovely guy!  Thank you for offering us a chance to know Dick Mernit.  I can see him in front of me right now, and life feels so much richer with him in the room.

A man imbued with a great love of life and a fabulous sense of humor.

He and Dee-Ann were real inspirations for how to age gracefully and live life fully!

If someone were to ask me what the deal with you was, I'd tell them my story of that first morning after.  I went out to get coffee for Mom and John and myself, and Peter the doorman asked how you were doing.  I hated having to be the one who told him.  He drew back against the wall like he'd been hit, and his eyes filled with tears, and he took me by the arm and told me what a great man you were. 

Soon after that we went to the physical therapy place across the street to tell the manager, and before he could say a word the receptionist gasped and clapped her hands to her face and said "Oh my God!", her eyes tearing up.  When Ginette at the gym around the corner heard the news, she really started wailing.

Later John went to pick up your watch at the shoe repair shop, and when the Russian woman at the counter heard you were gone, she got on the phone with Simon her husband, who had to be told three times (he didn't believe her).  He had her put John on the phone, so he could praise you to the skies - and make sure his wife gave John back the money for the watch.  And when John thanked him and said the kinds of things we'd been saying to people, Simon said: No, you don't understand - He was the best customer I ever had.

That was Dick Mernit, one great salesman himself, is what I would tell this person who didn't get to meet you: My dad was the man who in his passing left the doorman, the receptionist, the gym lady and the shoe repair man bereft.  So you can only imagine how it is for his wife of 62 years and his two aging sons.

He will be missed by all.  Such a bright spirit.

Your dad was a beautiful spirit.  I feel so delighted and lucky to have gotten to know him just a little.

He was a burning light.

A great soul serves everyone all the time.  A great soul never dies.  It brings us together again and again.

Yours forever,

Bill-Brian

Comments

[barbara]

Dearest Billy -
Your dad had such curiosity - that was one of his greatest charms. He was truly interested in other people and wanted to know more and more about the world - he just never got old. And yes, he was so vital! Such energy and generosity, such a big heart for those he loved. How proud he was of you. What a gorgeous couple he and your beautiful mother made. And did I mention how handsome he was? I will miss him. He was one of a kind.

[binnie]

Billy...no words. You said it all.
xo
e

[E.C. Henry]

Eloquent tribute. Big loss indeed. Your father sounded like a great guy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA

[Erica K]

Wonderful tribute, Billy. And so wonderful that you and your mother and brother got to share your lives with someone like this.

I took a freelance job this summer, writing the bio of a 91 yr. old woman. She was so loved and adored by her family (who commissioned me for the project) and adored by me at the end of our project. It made me realize, with stunning clarity, what "success" really is. It's having your family talk about you like this at the end of your life.

[Manohla]

I forgot: my, what a looker! I also love that his smile as a young military man - airforce, yes? - is the same bright one worn by the rather older gentleman with the plastic cap in the hospital.)

[Sad Reader]

So, so sorry for your loss.

[KO'D]

I'm sitting in my office at school, tears in my eyes. You've put words (and pictures) to the ache in the heart. Thanks, Billy, from the bottom of that heart, which at the moment aches a little less.

[Todd]

A great tribute to a truly great man. My heart goes out to you, Billy.

[J]

I never cry, but I just did.

To know there's this kind of love in the world between father and son, that transcends earth and what's up above, is truly beautiful.

You'll never stop loving him, and he'll never stop loving you, no matter what.

[Joanna Farnsworth]

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die". You're not without him, Billy. He's right there beside you, right where he's always been. His light will always shine.

[jamminGirl]

I wish I didn't have to wish you condolences. Take solace in the fact that you shared many glorious years with him. God's richest blessings to the family and friends he's left behind.

[Jonathan Tipton Meyers & Harry Kakatsakis]

Billy,

My deepest sympathies. Our brief experience with you sounds similar to all of the testimonials for your Dad.

[AJA]

Billy, you know I know. And I remember just a few days after I came to know, and you were at our place, at a party I went through with, and you and I talked. You didn't even want to imagine what it was like to know. I wish you still didn't have to. Love to all.

[mernitman]

You guys are the best. I am drinking up all your comments like they are water, and wine - it's sustaining me in this time when it feels like I'm in a spiritual desert. Thank you so much for being here.

[dmd]

My heart go out to you in your time of sorrow.

[jamy]

Billy--it took me a couple of days to read this post in full because I knew I'd have tears in my eyes by the end of it--and I do. Thank you so much for letting us get to know your father and your family. It feels like a loss to me too.

I am so sorry.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1112012941]

Dear Billy,

This is such a beautiful, moving tribute--thank you so much for sharing your father in this way. The pictures are wonderful--what an inspiration.

Love, Linda

[Judith Duncan]

Hi Billy,
I'm so sorry for your loss.Your father sounded like such a wonderful man who touched the hearts of many people.
Love
Judith

[Simone White]

Thank you Billy for the beautiful tribute to a beautiful spirit.
love
simone

[Larry Kay]

Billy, you and John are blessed men to be guided well into your lives by such a good man.
Light and woof,
Larry

[mernitman]

Again, it's a sweet/bittersweet thing to get such support from such good people. Thank you all for chiming in.

[Martine]

Billy, I'm so sorry for your loss. Mes sincères condoléances.

When my mom passed away unexpectedly when she was just 65, someone told me that my relationship with her was going to continue even though mom wasn't around anymore. I took it at first as a bit of a new age-y comment (though well intentioned) and didn't really find comfort in it.

But 13 years later, I can say that this woman was right. Whenever something new happens in my life, I think of mom and somehow, I still feel like I'm sharing that moment with her. Hard to explain... but I'm sure you'll feel it too.

Bon courage.

Martine

[Jennifer Ansbach]

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a moving tribute.

[Ralph Dobbins]

I am sorry for your loss. May God grant you peace in your grief.

[Brian Brightly]

Lovely tribute.
Brian