If you think every soul has only one mate, chosen by fate, you are a narcissistic fantasist, separated at birth into matching halves, who believes that one person can be enough for another, that you're ready for love just the way you are, and that God (or something like Her) will see to it that you find your lost half, so long as you keep the faith and follow the signs, e.g. the one that says 'Escape,' as opposed to 'Reality.'
Such, in sum, has been the conclusion of the thought-provoking comment-makers on this past week's post re: The One theme in romantic comedies: true believers in there is only one have a cult-member, "it's out of our hands" bent. Which leads me to the question, What about the rest of us?
As a confessed congenital romantic who's now happily ensconced in his third and final marriage, I have a vested interest in stories that express the other side of the equation, namely: Everyone is capable of finding more than one great love in one's lifetime.
On the surface, this rom-com sub-genre's ethos may seem even more egoistic (i.e. I'm so uniquely lovable that there are any number of special someones out there for me). But what The One After the One romantic comedies (e.g. Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Holiday, Love Actually) embrace is ultimately a more grounded, pragmatic approach to how one finds a mate.
While fate may play a part in the process, the belief system tapped into here is a sort of democratic self-actualization. Sarah Marshall tells you that if you can just like, get over yourself, dude, you'll find that "soul-mates" come in all shapes and sizes; you may even find, romantically heretical as it sounds, a better match than the one you had and lost before.
In this regard, it's notably ironic that in the uber-One romantic comedy Sleepless in Seattle, as fellow blogger Rob pointed out (Great minds...), widower protagonist Sam has already had the ostensible great love of his life, in his late wife. So how is that all signs point to Annie (the Meg Ryan character) as The One who will make him whole?
I think the hybrid nature of One/One After Sleepless points to the essence of what's at the core of these particular constructs. Sleepless Sam, the Liam Neeson widower in Love Actually, The Holiday's widower Jude Law, the bereft Juliet Stevens widow in Truly, Madly, Deeply - all of these protagonists are learning a lesson about rebirth and regeneration. Their second chances at love present us with a model for mourning and moving on.
In defiance of the late Kate McGarrigle's lovely lyric (Some say the heart is just like a wheel /Once you bend it, you can't mend it), these polytheistic comedies/dramedies suggest that if you find the courage to pick up the pieces, you can put that essential organ back together again.
In lighter, more upbeat variants where The One Before, however seemingly perfect, is still with us but exposed as fatally flawed (e.g. what the tearful Meg Ryan discovers in Addicted to Love and French Kiss), the meaning is the same. But perhaps the purest distillation of this trope can be found in the more somber Truly, Madly, whose entire central plot turns on a profound misdirection: The One returns from the dead, only to deliver the message that getting to The One After is the point.
I'm looking for other entries in this sub-genre, as before, and curious to hear your take. Is the One After idea tacitly less romantic? Is this a harder message to hear, in rom-com-land, and thus the relative scarcity of big hits of this ilk? Living the RomCom wants to know.
Meanwhile, as Severus Snape helps Harry Potter make world records go up in smoke - here's young Alan Rickman as a most romantic ghost:
I can understand how (mostly?) younger people would gravitate to the idea that "there's only one for me." It *feels* like that when we're with that first, big, wonderful love.
But is it really The End, Fade Out at that point? No, life goes on, more stories unfold, particularly of a less than romantic nature. Life is messy.
I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer years ago. He's raising three kids on his own now and I've watched him gently dip his toe into the dating pool, even embarking on a serious relationship that eventually ended badly.
The hitch? During the ups and downs of that new relationship, at any moment he might privately feel the sudden urge to burst into tears over the loss of his deceased wife, unable to truly fill the hole in his heart she left behind.
Can someone like that still find happiness? I say love will find a way... in the form of another person.
Scott
Posted by: Scott | July 18, 2011 at 08:24 AM
Just working on a One After The One outline myself, and one of my worries about anything with "divorce" in the logline is going to look like a downer off the bat. I suppose the same could go for "dead wife" or "dead husband," although "widower" does, oddly, sound a bit romantic!
A few other possible entries for this category - (500) Days of Summer, The American President and America's Sweethearts.
Posted by: MaryP | July 18, 2011 at 09:08 AM
Scott: In movies, things are tidier and more upbeat - the audience generally roots for a happy end and despairs of anyone ending up alone. Out here in the real world, I'd find it totally understandable if your friend ultimately doesn't find his way into another relationship, though I certainly hope he does.
MaryP: PRESIDENT is a great example, since the "I lost my One" idea is so key in setting up the audience (and the fictional American public) to willfully support both a single President, and one who begins to date. As for your log line, I'm sure you'll be putting the emphasis on the more upbeat "what comes after," so hopefully neither death nor divorce will make a reader blink.
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Posted by: Harrison | July 19, 2011 at 10:33 AM
Hey Billy,
I think there is so much to the discussion of ,'The One' and 'The One After'.Here's my little snippet.There is a whole world of cultural and religious concepts that go into the ideas of ,'The One' especially in regards to women,who've been encouraged to believe in this because it keeps them sexually inactive,waiting for that one man who will fulfil their every dream. It does make me feel sorry for guys holding that sort of pressure.
I think 'The One After' has a lot
of room for romantic comedy and was dealt with interestingly in 'Enchanted'. The princess being the ultimate romantic stereotpye meeting the cynical (McDreamy) whose heart was broken when his wife left him and his daughter.
Cheers,
Judith
Posted by: Judith Duncan | July 19, 2011 at 09:42 PM
Judith: Thank you for thinking of the guys. And don't feel too sorry for them. Meanwhile, I think of ENCHANTED as one of the best rom-coms of the last decade, and you're right, it definitely fits the sub-genre.
Posted by: mernitman | July 19, 2011 at 11:13 PM
Two Lovers, Swingers... I know there are more. I'll keep thinking.
Posted by: Christina | July 20, 2011 at 10:50 AM
Christina: Ah, SWINGERS - the last Vince V. film I actually liked! Good call. Must confess I still haven't seen TWO LOVERS. Worth a look?
Posted by: mernitman | July 24, 2011 at 05:45 PM
Two Lovers is a beautiful movie. Definitely a must see for a rom com lover. (Though it's technically a drama.)
Posted by: Christina | July 24, 2011 at 06:03 PM