Romantic comedy believes in the transformative power of love, but its sub-genres reveal more specific belief systems. Not long ago, my post Is There Only One? questioned movies that say, "Every soul has only one mate, chosen by fate" (Sleepless in Seattle, Serendipity, Only You). Conversely, Second Chances looked at rom-coms that tell us, "Everyone is capable of finding more than one great love in one's lifetime" (Truly Madly Deeply, Love Actually, Forgetting Sarah Marshall).
The Only One movies, all about the chase, sometimes barely acquaint their protagonists with each other, banking on a this-was-meant-to-be philosophy to justify the match-up. "The One After The One" movies are less about the One After's identity or compatibility then they are about the new mate's message: Get over it and move on.
Being predominately about courtship, romantic comedies don't usually go into the mundane nuts and bolts of how a longlasting union is formed. The main event here is "how they met and how they got hitched," and it tends to play out in a short span of time. Meanwhile there exists a small canon of romantic comedies that do focus on the bigger how - not how these two got together, but how their being together gradually blossomed into true love. These rom-coms, I think, try to get at a more realistic assessment of what actually makes a romantic relationship work.
A Getting to Know You romantic comedy follows two people through a good chunk of their lives, examining the incremental process by which two people become truly intimate. While most rom-coms enact some version of this in tightly-motored microcosm (e.g. the whirlwind adventure of Romancing the Stone forces its lovers to get closely acquainted, pronto), the Getting to Know You picture takes the longer view, suggesting that a slow-fused romance played out over time may in fact be the best route to a love that can last.
The uber-GTKY rom-com is of course When Harry Met Sally, in which it takes years (more than a decade) for Harry and Sally to get that they've already got what they need and want. And the ethos of this mini-sub-genre is expressed in its famous climactic declaration by Harry, a detailed list of what he's learned to love in Sally ("I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich..."): True love is found by getting to know, accept, and appreciate the other, over time.
Getting to Know You rom-coms are similar to, but set apart from, the more garden variety "The One Who Was Always There" movies, in which a current romance with a Bellamy (Mr. Wrong) reveals that a best friend, co-worker, or otherwise long-on-the-scene character is actually the protagonist's true love (The Proposal, et al) - or not, as in My Best Friend's Wedding. GTKY sticks with its two central characters over time to showcase how "the little things" in each add up to what only in the end seems inevitable. He and she, by genuinely comprehending the beautiful and the bad in each other, make an eyes-wide-open commitment based more on empirical evidence than on ephemeral attraction.
Perhaps the earliest example of a GTKO movie, more romantic dramedy than rom-com, is Penny Serenade (1941, Cary Grant and Irene Dunne), featuring a married couple whose love deepens through the years. In our modern era, When Harry... is bracketed by two darker hybrids (dramedy/rom-coms): 1967's Two for the Road (Audrey Hepburn, Albert Finney) and 2004's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey). Road studies a marriage that seems to be driving toward the rocks, intermingling flashbacks with present-day turmoil, while Eternal, using similar (and wilder) techniques, replays, rethinks, and reboots a long-term relationship.
These two Getting to Know You movies root their stories in the seeming inevitability of a break-up, and work their way, comedically and poignantly, toward a reaffirmation of what was good about this coupling in the first place - tempered by a painful acknowledgement that what's flawed (as well as what's fun) in a mate is here to stay. While that's not a theme which necessarily suggests the most upbeat date movie experience, such films have more to say to the experienced, real-world romantic than say, Valentine's Day.
An even smaller subset of these films employs a formal device to build up its intimacies: 1978's Same Time Next Year, in which Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn get to know each other via annual hotel trysts, and this year's tanker One Day (we revisit Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess, whether they're together or not, on the succeeding anniversaries of their first meeting). Another, more fantastical variant is found in Groundhog Day (Bill Murray gets to know Andie MacDowell via an eternity of February 2nds), and less profoundly, in 50 First Dates (Adam Sandler goes to school on Drew Barrymore, whose peculiar brand of amnesia makes every date their first one).
Are Getting to Know You rom-coms less ubiquitous because their tacit theme is more pragmatic than romantic? It may be why they tend towards drama more than comedy. And what significant members of this small but resonant roster may I have left out?
BRILLIANT post, Billy. Honestly, this one may be your best of all-time. And so true. "Getting To Know You" is a vital subset of the overall, rom-com genre unbrella. Why hasn't someone discovered this before?
You're a modern-day Columbus, Mr. Mernit!
Wish I had more to add, but you really nailed this one. Also wish there were more "Getting to Know You" rom-coms movies out there, because of all the subsets under the rom-com umbrella I think this one is the one that truely deserves to be studied, and gives the audience the highest degree of take-home fodder to discuss.
Most rom-coms of today only deal with surface contact in the infamous gets-looses-gets paradgim which you've already detailed in your "Writing the Romantic Comedy" book. So what comes after a superficial meet-looses-gets affair? A deeper romance; the "Getting to Know You" romance.
I sense more fodder for your next rom-com book here, Mr. Mernit. Can't wait to read your listeners comments to see their reaction to the sub-genre you've coined a name for. Columbus lives! Yes, indeed he does. - E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA
Posted by: E.C. Henry | November 20, 2011 at 06:09 PM
What he said. Oh, and High Fidelity leaps to mind.
Posted by: Tim Miller | November 21, 2011 at 08:57 AM
Nice essay, Billy. The "Getting to Know You" subgenre is probably my favorite in the romantic comedy universe.
One example I really like is "Brown Sugar." The would-be lovers in that film, from the start, already know each very well, maybe too well. The drama (and comedy) is all about getting them to move one another from the friend box to the lover box, where they naturally belong.
Posted by: Neely O'Hara | November 21, 2011 at 02:24 PM
EC, thanks for the kudos!
Tim, ditto, and HIGH, I think is an in-betweener; takes place mostly in a short time span present, and rather than tracking Laura & Rob's interactions as its arc, is more about Rob doing some self-improvement on his own - but yes, in its basic thrust is closely akin to a GTKY.
Neely, welcome: I confess I missed SUGAR and will check it out!
Posted by: mernitman | November 22, 2011 at 08:50 AM
What about THE CUTTING EDGE? Light on the comedy and heavier on the sports side, but definitely a GTKY structurally speaking.
Posted by: Steve | November 22, 2011 at 01:17 PM
Interesting post.
ANNIE HALL is a GTKY-then-leave-you.
HIS GIRL FRIDAY is a GTKY-then-divorce-you-then-decide-I-really-neeed-you.
HANNAH AND HER SISTERS is a GTKY-have-an-affair-with-your-sister-decide-I-really-love-you-and-stay.
Posted by: Henry Sheppard | November 23, 2011 at 01:26 PM
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
Posted by: Rob in L.A. | November 24, 2011 at 09:43 AM
Hey Billy,
I love that you pose these sorts of questions,because as a writer I need to be aware of these kind of things and sort them out for myself. I think the usual romcom deals with that wonderful new energy we feel when we meet someone new and if someone can plug into that,it can really keep the movie flowing.
I think the GTKY rom com really needs a deft hand to keep it interesting,because that energy isn't there. I think there needs to be a deeper understanding of relationship to be able to play with it. I love 'Eternal Sunshine'which found a fantastic way to explore that and 'Groundhog Day' which found the metaphysical aspect of the rom com. I do remember seeing Two for the Road ages ago on t.v. and now I want to check it out again.
Thanks again :)
Judith
Posted by: Judith Duncan | November 26, 2011 at 02:41 PM
Steve: Yup, EDGE has that build-over-time thing going on.
Henry: Nice. The HANNAH category is particularly choice.
Back at ya, Rob. in L.A. - Happy Post-Food Coma Weekend to you!
Judith: True and astute - it is a different kind of energy, and thus the harder to sustain (for both the fictional characters and the writers).
Posted by: mernitman | November 27, 2011 at 10:32 AM